Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.
He looks at me with tears in his eyes and says, "promise me you'll come home one day," and shakily, unconvincingly I tell him what I know his loving, aching heart needs to hear "of course, Dad."
The truth is in that moment my heart was begging me the same question, promise me we will come home one day for here is where I can see us having babies and dogs and a beautiful house to call home. My heart says to me here your children will know and love their grandparents. There will be t-ball games and ballet recitals. Here you will be happy, and you won't have to say goodbye anymore.
My heart is fickle, and my feelings as well. I have learned not to trust them. For if I did my life would be all about me, and it isn't at all about me. My spirit however is not my own. The Holy Spirit residing in me is from the Lord. It is holy and sacrificing not self-seeking like my heart. And my spirit patiently replied over and over to my heart, will you follow the Lord even when you don't feel like it?
Yes of course, it reluctantly replies, like a child who has just been corrected by her father, but still not wanting to comply.
a living and holy sacrifice (romans 12:1)
it is not I who lives, it is Christ living inside me (galatians 2:20)
deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow me (matt. 16:25)
left everything to follow you (mark 10:28)
whoever loses his life for My sake will save it (mark 8:35)
I must admit coming back to Honduras for the third time was more difficult than ever before. At home, I had completely forgotten any and all reasons why my life here is truly blessed and beautiful. As I hugged my loved ones and boarded the plane, my body was simply obediently going through the motions as my heart was screaming in rebellion. But my faithful and loving Teacher, kept reminding me: I love you. I have called you to surrender not just the easy stuff but everything- your hopes, dreams, desires, family, comforts...everything. But I promise you my sweet daughter, my plans for you are immeasurably greater than your own (eph. 3:20). Delight in me and I will give you the desires of you heart (ps. 37:4). Delight in obedience, delight in surrender, delight in following me wherever I take you.
I am just a simple person who is trying to follow God the best I can. For He has changed my life and my heart. He has shown me what it is to love and to serve. And I spend my days trying to imitate His example wherever I am.